What I'm Processing
/Dear Friends,
Hello.
As I write I can hear the swainson's thrush singing in the Alder Trees as the wisp of Ocean breeze moves up the 40 river miles of the Siletz to ripple the leaflets.
How is your heart today?
Pause and ask.
Mine is a bit heavy. ---
The rise in heat all over the earth is hard to bear (for me, maybe you too?) and how to hold that without falling into a pit of despair or numbing out to avoid that feeling??
The political climate too.
I want to encourage you to give this podcast with Joanna Macy a listen. It's been so helpful to me!
No pressure though!
And---
I said I’d follow up on the Facing Death, Nourishing life workshop Kevin and I attended.
It’s not so easy to put into words and here goes:
Profound transformation for me, for Kevin, and for our relationship with each other and the world---
at this point it’s mostly a delicate tenderness,
a sweet softening of the heart towards each other and all of life.
a deeper than deep gratitude each day as we awaken “wow, I woke up today!” (a phrase shared by our facilitator Bodhi) and prioritizing the things we took away to ponder and move forward with.
Talking about death for six days. Heard these words more than I ever have. Death. Dying. Died.
Can’t not be touched by all of that!
Being in a circle of almost 40 hearts beating
and breathing together
and willing to go deep and consider
and ask hard questions
and share death and dying experiences,
and witness and listen and hold and be held.
and then dance and sing together in the Sufi way.
the sublimely held pools of eye/soul contact during dancing
and the larger than life beaming smiles that emerged when singing,
especially my own --- was a huge blessing
and a vibrantly alive ---
hello my deep hearted in love with life self!'
so grateful to be with you again ---
Wow.
The below phrase was written on a big flip chart in the front of the room and left there for the entire week:
“We will die and we don’t know when.
Everyone we know and love will also die and we don’t know how or when.
How and whether we use this information will shape the course of our lives, our relationships, and our attunement with the sacred.
It will shape who we are as a community and how we care for each other now, and when we are dying.”---Bodhi Be
Powerful, Yes?
Embodying this as a direction feels wise in my life now.
The how and what, and who and where and when is unfolding.
And ---
so many questions were offered to consider, to take with and wonder about. Here are a few:
What does dying well look like?
What does love look like now? And now?
How can being more aware of dying help us live with more presence and preciousness?
"What would people look like
if we could see them as they are,
soaked in honey, stung and swollen,
reckless, pinned against time?" Ellen Bass excerpt from If You Knew
Also ---
There were a number of people who worked in the death and dying fields. I gotta say they were some of the most joyful, able to access all emotions, present people! They reminded me of the movie Mission Joy with Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama. The childlike playfulness. Those men have/were definitely shaped by a relationship with death different than what most of us westerners have.
It’s so interesting isn’t it.
That birth and death are the only two truths that all humans share no matter what.
And yet its a very uncomfortable topic for most of us to delve into.
Is it possible the disconnect and denial of death in this society shows up through our inability to be fully reverent to all of life?
And ---
This quote by the Dalai Lama was turned into a beautiful song we sang together most mornings. I am still singing it!
“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.”---the Dalai Lama
Lastly ---
One of our last moments together was creating a haiku starting with this line:
When you find me dead
Here’s mine:
When you find me dead
Let your inhale be embraced
By the garden we planted.
(and I recognize this isn’t a tradition 5/7/5. Natalie Goldberg in her haiku book gave permission to flex! yay)
The facilitators Bodhi and Leilah were beautiful human beings with huge hearts! They are Sufi Ministers and the website (mission and vision) of the nonprofit funeral home Bodhi runs is amazing!!! I encourage you to take a look, and if you feel inspired to donate. He is a part of the web of incredible change around how we die, how we are cared for, and how we care for each other!
A few resources:
A Beginners Guide to the End by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger.
A little bit about Death Cafes likely one near you!
Palliative Care what is it?
The Conversation project starter kit
May some of this be of service to you or a loved one!
Deep blessings to you all,
Carol
P.S. thank you to all of you that reached out after the last newsletter!