First. Thank you. Second. One Thing.

Hello Sweet People,

First.

Thank you to all the lovely, touching, tender, caring emails, texts and phone calls from so many of you after I shared about Kevin’s death.

They have been received and savored and appreciated and I feel the care lingering in my body.

A deep bow and pressed hands on my heart to you!

​Second.

I’m going to begin sharing some things I learned

about death and caregiving

and what we all might consider looking at

because it is a profound time,

it is something mostly ignored in our society

and lots of things are changing but not very well known yet.

I want to help us become more able to talk about

death and dying and how we treat each other

and care for each other as it comes for us.

Because it will.

“We will die and we don’t know when.

Everyone we know and love will also die and we don’t know how or when.

How and whether we use this information will shape the course of our lives, our relationships, and our attunement with the sacred.

It will shape who we are as a community and how we care for each other now, and when we are dying.”---Bodhi Be

​
I want to take what Bodhi says here and allow this to shape my life towards more meaning, love and deep caring for all.

​Here's my first tip:

So many loving and well meaning people would say to me “let me know if you need anything” and they meant it.

I used to say that too.

And, as the caregiver, letting people know what I needed was another thing on a long list of things I had to take care of every day.

I often didn’t ask because it added one more thing!!

Instead of saying that consider some of these, or something like these to offer:

Call or email or text the caregiver and say;

I could bring over dinner Monday or Tuesday night or both, I’ll have it freezer ready as well. Would you like that?

Or, I have Thursday off, can I go grocery shopping, clean your house, or walk the dog?

Or, can I set up a meal-train or somehow help you get help?

Or, can I give you a break by sitting with Kevin, or if you are free, take you to lunch, or go for a walk, on Wednesday or Saturday?

Or, do you need a hug, to be listened to, or…? I can do that anytime today or tomorrow?

If you don’t live nearby ask the caregiver if they’d like a gift of a house cleaning, a massage, a dinner out, a dinner in, a date to be listened to etc.

The pearl is, don't wait for the caregiver to ask.

Be proactive in what you can offer again and again.

You will be the best gift they get!

Thank you for those who did that for me.

Honestly I feel so so grateful to have learned this lesson and excited to be able to do it differently the next time a loved one needs support.

May this be helpful to you and yours.

Much love to you.

Carol and Sweetness