I can receive a smile any time.

Receiving. 

“To take into one’s possession.

To have something bestowed or conferred.

To have delivered or brought to one.

To get or be informed.”  part of a dictionary definition from dictionary.com

I’ve been pondering this quality as I walk the more barren beauty of the river trails. 

While writing and deleting on my laptop.

Grabbing a ballpoint pen and scribbling random thoughts in my journal. 

When waking at 3 am in the ink black dark.

And asking others what their thoughts are.

I’m trying and it feels like “take#20” of a writing practice.  And a good reminder that committing to write about a particular topic is much harder than allowing what arises to be good enough!

What I’ve discovered--

On one hand receiving is somewhat loaded. 

There is baggage for me. 

Weighted. Heavy.

Surprising.

It’s complex. Nuanced. And layered.

It’s added more confusion to how I feel about the great financial divide in our country.

I’ve chatted with a number of friends who also feel mixed, and confused, and honestly stressed around receiving.

It’s nice to be reminded-- I am not alone. 

Most of the time when I receive something I don’t do it without offering to give something in return. 

In truth, often giving something whether the person wants it or not. 

Exchanging is not the same as receiving. Or giving for that matter.

I find myself compelled by some unseen force.

There is something about receiving that has a quality of passivity.

Not always. But.

I feel vulnerable. 

Exposed.

Passive isn’t a quality seen in a positive light in the world I inhabit. 

Hummm.

AND on the other hand I can receive certain moments like no tomorrow. 

Four Sundays ago.
We stepped out our front door, bundled in jackets and hats against the cold, sunny, late afternoon chill, on our way down the hill to a birthday party.
My front door opens onto shared space (I live in a co-housing community).
The land has Junipers, sage and tall bunch grasses, lava boulders etc.
The deer have become welcome friends.

Anyways--we walked out, and the birds were strangely active.
Robins and Scrub Jays.
Swooping, and chattering, in an air of agitation.
Our neighbor Seth came up behind us and we all observed, and pondered- what's up?
As the boys chatted behind me, my senses were attuned to the natural world.

My eyes moved down the medium sized Juniper that was fifteen feet in front of me. 
They seemed to be directing their flight and sounds there.

As my eyes adjusted to the light, and the subtlety of greens and browns, there in the center of the tree on a branch, nestled close to the trunk, sat an OWL. 

There small coal black eyes were staring straight into my now wide open green ones.
It’s brown and white feathered body was as still as the gnarled trunk of the Juniper. 

I was transfixed for a moment.
Breathing it in.
Regal.
We were inter-being.
I was taken in by It’s unstirring, steadfastness in the midst of the cacophony of noise and flight surrounding it. 

A moment of reverence. 

Gratitude. 

Majesty. RECEIVED.

A part of me simply wanted to continue to commune in this moment by myself, but I didn’t.

I touched the boys softly and said, Owl.

And My first born, my daughter, received into my waiting arms.

The lightest pink hued bundle in the world.  

The miracle of teeny finger clasping mine. 

And toes. Oh my.

Tears pooling at the other edges of my eyes and steaming down like rivers to dampen the blue and white skimpy hospital gown. 

Her eyes. Direct gaze. Offering and me receiving.

She continues to share. 

The eyes. Warmly. Intently. Caringly. And my favorite. Laughingly.

I can receive a smile any time.

A simple kind word from a stranger.

Someone letting me pull out in front of them in traffic.

Much more difficult to receive: 

Money 

A gift without giving one in return.

A meal without exchanging. 

A compliment without explaining or dismissing it as nothing. 

Feedback I didn’t invite.

And then I think about all the receiving that is done by people who are struggling right now. And the irony of how much givers get so they will keep on giving. 

It’s kind of a crazy loop really. 

The systems of giving are still filling the pockets of the givers. 

There are a lot of benefits to giving --status, power, notoriety, and prestige.

And you feel good.

Read Anand Girahardardas Winners Take All if you want to get a fresh picture.

I sit in seats at live events and listen as the same companies are thanked again and again for their generosity.
To see their logos and names filling the big screens that roll and scroll through pre-event. Their names on the programs.
The invitations to speak and introduce others.
The VIP seats, many left empty and, often the best in the house. 

We love our givers.

Not so much our receivers.

No wonder when I asked some folks about receiving, they almost squealed. One person shared that a friend had recently taken her and others to dinner and a show. While she enjoyed the time she couldn't help but think and dwell, about how she could pay her back. I get that. I kind of wish I didn’t.

My future dream- I imagine that the flow of giving, receiving, offering, taking, asking, sharing and stillness are so much a part of everyday, every moment, that it’s impossible to know who the giver or receiver, or taker or sharer is. 

That the equity we create becomes a bounty that we all feed from. Enoughness all directions.

Do you want a challenge??

Notice how you receive this Season.

How do you feel when receiving?
What's your body say?

What are you telling yourself?

How could shifting how you receive, when you receive, where and what you receive---so it is life enhancing for you? And the world?

Also notice how you give. 

How are giving and receiving entwined, or not?

How do you feel when giving? 

What are you telling yourself?

How about your heart? 

What shifts or wakes up in you?

Anything you want to change?

Happy Pondering.

May we dream ourselves into a 2020 that is so full of sharing and caring that we have created a world we could not have imagined in the past.

Take good care of each other.

Peace and love,

Carol

P.S. If you have been contemplating working with me---The New Year is a great time to begin freshly! Check out my equitable economics page to see if there is a price point that works for you and then give me a call! I'd love to support you.

P.S.S. I recently finished reading Erosion by Terry Tempest Williams. If you love the natural world and an author who also had deep love for the world it's definitely worth a read. So many lines to live into.

P.S.S.S. You can find upcoming opportunities with Stoke Your Woke HERE